Tuesday, May 19, 2009

in a weird place

I hate this time of year. Remembering jodi, the last time i saw and talked to her, the good times that will never be again. I don't know why anniversaries have that effect on me, especially with deaths, but they do. I keep expecting to see her icon pop up in the IM window, and even though i know i won't, it still throws me that i can't chat with her again. Was nice to have some to talk to that was right on the same wavelength most of the time. Not having to explain things, or worry about what i talked about, because no matter how out there she would listen and probably have a similar thing to share. Somedays i go back and read the past chats, as my chat client saves chats to a log, and i feel like i'm back in those times. Even though it does kind of break my heart all over again. I know suicide isn't an easy option, and for those who know me know how i know that personally, having tried several times, but i still want to find a way to fix it. I would have done anything for her, more so if it would have kept her alive, even if it would have been harder for her to not do it. I don't know where this is going, just lot of stuff on my mind, with no way to really do anything about it. Maybe all the stuff also going on with my Dad and his heart attack has me thinking a lot about it, i'm tired of losing those i care deeply about, although thankfully my dad is healing nicely, and expects to golf in a week or so. I'm really wishing i had someone like Jodi that i could talk to about all this, which is kind of ironic if you think about it. 

Decided to try and take a summer class here, there is a short digital photography class, even though i probably already know most of what will be taught. Not the most intensive, short two or three week class, but might be good for getting me out there, meeting people, and trying new (although how new me doing photography is, lol) things. We'll see. Hopefully it goes good.