Saturday, December 13, 2008

Woke up to God and found Venus De Milo

This day is dragging on like crazy. Feels like someone has taken time and stretched it out to twice what it normally is. Feels like days ago i woke up and did all that wake up stuff. Ugh... sort of like driving to Rochester, if you've ever driven that interstate stretch from LaCrosse to Rochester. Molly and i had always felt that it messes with time, it's not a long drive but it felt much, much longer. Perception and time are two odd creatures though, so who knows. Not me that's for sure. 

Stupid me again, went and ordered the wrong size IR filter. D'oh! My dyscalculia has a bad tendency to mess with how i see and remember numbers. You have no idea how bad phone numbers or such are for me to remember. Ugh. (since i'm on the subject, i also have been diagnosed with dysgraphia, which caused a huge amount of problems in school, oddly printing is what fixed that, if i try to write cursive, it's a lost cause) I'm pretty good with the ideas in math, just not the actual multiplication, division, addition or subtraction. Did pretty well in advanced math, but they let me use either a multiplication table or slide rule (funny fact, besides the teacher, i was the only one in the school who could use a slide rule, wish i could find my old one, probably at my parents house) Anyway, the IR filter, got a 55mm instead of a 58mm, but the 58 i ordered should be here sometime. None of my lenses are 55mm by the way. Grr... Thankfully i only paid about twenty bucks for it, so if i ever do get a 55mm one, it can pop on there. 

Speaking of photography, i'm still kind of in a funk with that. Probably because i have a tendency to look at people who have been doing it for almost as long as i've been alive, and saying then that i'm crap. Yeah, that probably doesn't help. These people get paid tons to do a simple shoot too, where i have yet to be paid for it, although i can say some of my photos have been published (thanks to Julia who put a couple photos of my bunnies i had taken and put in that Hesy magazine. I know, it's not actually "published", but it made me happy seeing them there for the world (or Finland) to see.) I keep thinking i need to practice more on people, but as was pointed out to me, "come down in my basement so i can photograph you" sounds pretty creepy. Although that is where i have the most open space and don't have a studio, it's like i'm a serial killer or something. Also being winter it's kind of hard to get any good outside shots with natural light as it's been fricking cold (around 10F, although today seems warm, 35F or so, with a blizzard on it's way. Yay) it's hard to want to spend much time out there. Maybe i'll just get it so i can nail the studio lighting on models (my anime figures) and such, and once i have no doubts about it then i can move on to people. Seems like the going rate is not to unreasonable if i can find someone who isn't creeped out by a shoot in my house, and basement no less. The more i think about it, the more i need to figure out what to do to make a good studio space. I can never have enough rooms it seems. ;)

Now i'm just waiting until it's closer to movie night time, which hopefully is on, otherwise this day may never end. 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

One time one place

I'm in kind of a funk, with doubts about myself and my abilities, all that. I had one of those "duh" moments yesterday when i went out to photograph things, almost a "had the lens cap on" type thing, but more about total over-exposure. Today i went out and picked up some tools to help with my learning lighting and photography more (saw horses, lights, and a charger to replace the one that apparently now lives in the ether. Maybe i'm just doubting myself too much, but no mater what i do, i think it's crap, and bad crap at that. Probably not the best times to try new things, as it would probably turn out crap as my mind is going there anyway. I don't know, this is never a great time of year for me, Sun God always getting dead, spring seeming so far away, that sort of thing. I don't mind the snow so much, it's when it's cold and there isn't snow, seems colder then for some reason. I just never know what to do outside, and as i've said too many times, people get stupid out on the roads. Thankfully i ordered a couple IR filters to try my hand at IR photography. Not going to mod the cameras yet, i don't mind long exposures, maybe once (if) i get a 5D mark 2 i will do the oldest of them, but you can only shoot IR then with it, so it's a one way trip (where you have to gut the thing to do it, so not lightly done). Who knows, maybe i'll hate IR photography, or i'll love it. I need something to inspire me, big time. I really need a muse, anyone have one to spare? Guess they aren't just lying around for free. I'm kind of feeling like just chucking it all away, like i'm never going to be good at it, and should just give up. I get that way sometimes. Hopefully it stops soon and i get better. 

Ever have one of those dreams where you haven't thought about someone a lot, and then you can't stop thinking about them afterwards? It wasn't sexual, but mostly just hanging out with again and being like best friends. I know this is vague, she's married now and far away, so it's not going to happen, but it was a nice dream. Don't know if it's connected, but i slept very well and long last night. That doesn't happen often. How it usually happens is i'll go to bed, and then it may seem like i've been sleeping a long time, but i keep waking up every hour or so and tossing around. So i'm usually very tired even when it seems like i've gotten eight hours, it's probably more like four or so. Good times. (funny, "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd just came on random on my itunes as i was typing this.) Oh well, people change, and not always like you imagine them. But it was a nice dream, that's for sure. Even though Gary Busey was following us around during it. Don't ask. 

Pretty much done with importing CDs, up to around 560 or so, with only a small stack that is having problems importing, missing information, or what not. I didn't know i had so many, yikes. I also found out what ones i had purchased from the iTunes store. Ugh. i do wish they had a system where once you purchased it, you can download it again and again, so in cases like mine (bad backup dur) you aren't screwed. This is the reason i'm not so keen on all downloaded content, too easy to have a crash, and if you can't re-download, you are boned. Something i like about the PS3, once you buy, you can download all that stuff whenever, it even keeps track for you in case you forget. Some saves don't transfer so well, but that's something else. 

Sunday, December 07, 2008

How to start?

Something i've been doing is looking at Model Mayhem and One Model Place to see what kind of talent is out there for doing modeling for me and what kind of rates they want. Something annoying with the sites it seems is that you kind of need to have several pictures of people to get a profile. I understand they don't want stalkers or pervs or anything like that, it's just making me wonder where to get started. Don't get me wrong, i'm not looking for nude models or anything like that, i'd be nervous enough now with dressed people, just people to get more experience in photographing and lighting people. Most of the books and such say to practice on a significant other, which i am lacking. The bunnies don't really work, they love to play chase when they see the camera and are much smaller than people. ;) Hence the practice on the mannequin torso i have. Maybe i'll just have to stick to bugs, nature and stuff like that, at least until i find a significant other. I have no idea. One thing i like about Model Mayhem is that the models are my my sensibility, goths, punks, that sort of thing. More normal ones are there too, but where's the fun in that. ;) I also don't really have a studio space, right now i just use what room i need for whatever i'm shooting, or just outside. I've thought about converting my garage into a studio, and building on to make a new garage, or having a room built above the garage, i have no idea. That would give a nice room that could be used for that though. Not sure if i could though with codes and whatnot. Ideally in my dreams i would have a barn or some kind of out building i could use if i finished it, plenty of room and big and open. That rules out city living heh. Pie in the sky there too though. There was a house for sale down in LaCrosse when i was looking that had a barn converted into a year round basketball court, it was pretty awesome, but not in the location i really wanted. Something like that. I get the feeling models don't want to go to photographers homes, even when i would be the most professional at all times. Hmm... going to have to think about this it seems. 

On another subject, it's snowing, again. Ugh. Supposed to snow through tuesday too. Looks like this winter is going to be cold and full of snow. Today is 10F (-12C) with what seems to be a half a foot at least of snow on the ground and plenty of more to come. Thankfully i got The Greenskeepers  (funny how they do snow too, lol) to come and clear the mounds of snow keeping my car from escaping. I would do this myself, but one year i hit an ice mound, and it cut clean into my oil pan. Killed my poor VW Bug. All from the snow plow blocking me in and making it impossible to get clear. They come with a cute little plow thing (i call it Mister Plow) and do it lickity split, and they do a much better job than i seem to be able to do. Now if i can just clean out the garage.

I just have to point out how i had dreams last night that were all about most of the people in the world dyeing off, thanks movie night. ;) I also keep stupidly having these dreams about a certain someone having faked their own death, and finding out in a very painful way. Yeah, not so fun.