Saturday, March 06, 2010

Movie Night - March 6th, 2010

 I decided that to help my memory, i'm going to talk a little about the movies we watch on Movie Night at a local friends house. There were movies we started, but just didn't 'flow' with what we watched before so we moved on. These are the ones that we watched the whole thing of. Not full reviews mind you, just summing up the thing.

First up, Two Faces of My Girlfriend.
I loved this. It starts out all wacky and zany, then takes a turn that gets pretty sad part way through. Hope that's not a spoiler, but really, with a girl who has multiple personalities, you should sort of expect it. I also want to say Jeong Ryeo-Won, who plays Ani and others, is absolutely adorable and excellent at giving each "character" their own personality. 

(I couldn't find a subtitled trailer, so here is one i did find.)

Next up was Table for Three.
Mary and Ryan were a hoot. I enjoyed this movie, but those two made it. The whole cast was good, but the chemistry and craziness of those two just put it over the edge. They owned the screen when they were on. 

Last movie was Long Life, Happiness and Prosperity.
Sandra Oh is awesome as usual, slower movie, but very nice. The little girl was great too. More a family drama, multiple families really, then the previous two, but still good. 

Friday, March 05, 2010

Ironic or just plain stupid?

Hmm... So i went out to try and figure out some things to photograph in the area as i'm pretty badly slacking on my Daily Photo blog, (besides the fact that this town is pretty small, 12,000) and while it's mostly due to lack of motivation or energy lately, i also realized something that made me laugh to myself. There is just something funny about a guy who refers to himself as a hermit (at least i'm less of a hikikomori type than i was for a while there.) doing photography. Even my city daily photo blog is mostly my yard, or right outside there. While going through my whole digital photo library (whole thing is around 40k photos, some repeats i believe though), i realized how many were right here. Here being inside my house or the yard. I have over 4,000 of just the bunnies, although to be honest, they do rock. 

I was also going through the local models on Model Mayhem (This is me by the way) seeing who might be interesting to work with, when it hit me with the social anxiety. Even thought it would be totally professional and not me trying to get a date, it hit me hard. This is kind of sad to admit, but i also was very nervous about adding the people i worked with at Painted Muse 2, worried they would think i took crap photos, even though it's not true, a lot of them have been very complimentary. 

I used to not be so worried what people thought. Not sure when this changed or why really. I used to go dancing with my awesome kilts and outfits i made myself, hair all sorts of colors. I used to flirt, sometimes knowingly, sometimes not. I was shy but generally outgoing if i wanted to be. After i moved away from my small hometown area to Milwaukee, i said to myself "who cares what they think, be happy", not always successful in that, but more so than lately. 

Funny side note, once i started going dancing in Milwaukee, i had to just stop caring if people thought i was a dork if i wanted to have fun. This led me to dancing like a fool, but having a ton of fun and being in better shape than i feel now. Maybe that's just age, who knows, but i miss that. Not sure i want to be that crazy old guy at the club though. (again, caring what they think of me, ugh)

So yeah, not sure where this post is going. I guess that photography isn't really something my hermit like life would go with, but i also hoped that it would help draw me out of that. It has in a way. I never would have done the Painted Muse thing at my worst. I hope to do more things like that in the future, there was one this month, but pretty much all my money has been going to bunny care (i'm so going on retail therapy once this is calmer), with five bunnies annual check ups being not cheap, and Zacks care being actually expensive. They are so worth it, but it's shot down getting new photography stuff or trips to do the events. This is stupid of me to focus on, but it's another reason i miss Jodi, she was all for being photographed, and made a great model. (although she had image issues with her eating disorders, she never saw herself like i thought she should, she also made no secret of them, so i don't feel i'm breaking her trust here. Plus, her being dead and all.) 

I do think my macro and nature stuff is much easier to do with being a hermit though. Heck, in a way it's better. Not needing to worry about someone else and all that, just find the subject and do it. Although as hard as people are to deal with, nature can be harder than people. They just don't listen or care what you tell them, "No! Don't move that way! Come back here!!". So yeah. 

I also thought about going over my troubles in World of Warcraft and other MMOs over the years, with how my fear of people carried over into that too, but i think that's a post for another day. It will probably be a bit too much like this blog post though. 

Monday, March 01, 2010


I was cleaning my very disorganized computer room (several computers not hooked up, as there isn't room for all of them, several are nostalgia ones, the Apple IIe, the SGI O2, etc, but a part of me wants them up and running, that's a story for another day i think though) and i came across my older journals. Starting in the fall of 2004, i started writing in moleskine notebooks, starting with the plain ones and then the ruled ones.  I know people knock them for being too trendy, but i like the form factor, hard backs, paper and how it holds ink. So anyway, i had four filled ones, two plain and the rest lined. Four filled ones from late 2004 to January 2006. Then one lined one half filled till now. I just stopped it seems, writing a page here and there, nothing much though. I have noticed that i'm writing more online than i did then, but i also write more than what i would put online for various reasons. What i put online i don't really mind if people read. I express my thoughts and feelings, but not those that generally would cause problems, be boring to others (more so than this Andy? heh), just plain repetitive, or feelings about people.

It's something i started doing as a way to work through things, understand feelings i was having, and also to help my very faulty memory. Side note here, you have no idea how frustrating it is when people think you didn't just pay attention to them when you don't remember something, when you also don't remember major parts of your own life. Just saying.

So i've been reading parts of them again. It's funny with the journals though, how it seems to have taken me a little while to settle into a 'style'. I wrote with various pens, then got to using the most unusual ones i could find, several pages written in colored glitter pens. I think part of that was to make it more 'fun' writing things that might be hard or i didn't want to express. I also added various types of art into them, drawings, clippings, mixed media, all sorts of things, if words failed me. Some were neat, some crap, all there.

I do wish i had done something similar to this all my life though, not remembering what was basically my whole childhood is frustrating to say the least, and it would be nice to know what i was thinking or feeling, or even what the heck happened during most of it. It is kind of depressing though when was going through my more depressed moments and re-reading that. The times where i didn't eat for a week or so, and the suicide attempts. So yeah. Someday i may go more into that, i'm not sure though.

A final thing to this rambling post (what's different eh?), i'm glad that one teacher got me printing more, with my dysgraphia if i had stayed with cursive it would have all been unreadable. I should go into the trouble i had with teachers in junior high, i was a mess with the dysgraphia and dyscalculia, amoung other things. Made it hell, to put it simply, then i was diagnosed by the Gunderson Clinic, and some teachers understood better. Not all mind you, but some.

Now i'm craving ramen, at 1am. Not sure where that came from, but i'm going to make a late night bowl of ramen.