Sunday, January 10, 2010

Nervousness and trepidation.

So i took the plunge, decided to go for it with photography and signed up and paid for an awesome sounding photography event, not sure how else to explain it. Ton of awesome models and body painters, about a dozen photographers, and not something i would really get to do on my own. I'm excited, but nervous as hell. One is the drive, about six hours each way, but that's doable, just need to plan on when to leave and get there. Not sure if i'd get a room and leave the day before or what though. We'll see. The other part is i really haven't done serious people photography in studios, more candid and event type stuff. Not sure how to react or what to tell them. I also fear about appearing like a Guy With Camera, but then you have to start somewhere eh? I also have virtually no lights, all my lights were purchased with the intent of macro or other similar situations. Not really the type of thing that works with models. This will definitely be a new experience for me. Like i've said before though, kind of hard to convince people to model for you if you don't really have any models in your portfolio, but you need them to get them.

This is not really a new years resolution, but something i've decided on, i'm going to try and stop being so damn afraid of doing the wrong thing and just go for it. I kept seeing things that were happening as effects i was causing, like something i said or did caused bad things to happen. (i'll just come out and say it, i blame myself for not being in lacrosse the first time for jodi, and then regretted somethings i said to her before she died, feeling i made it so she couldn't come to me instead of killing herself. True or not didn't matter, the guilt and blame was there in my head) There are other things, but that's the biggie, and it was making me afraid to even do almost anything for fear of what would happen due to ripples on the pond. So yeah, while i'm not going to be reckless or hurtful, i'm going to (try to) stop blaming myself for when things go wrong, because no matter how much i may try, you can't always help others.

Now to just figure out which lights i should get before the shoot, thinking about a nice ringflash and shooting it sometimes on camera and sometimes off with the moonunit as a soft box type effect, and having the regular strobes i have as fill and background. Who knows though, this may change, and isn't as important.


Battlescars said...

Good for you. Sounds like it should be a fun event, and you'll get to meet a lot of people who share your interest. You'll probably learn a ton from them too. Good luck with your resolution too. I really hope you can let go of the guilt. Even if you weren't on the best of terms when she died, I think both you & Jodi (wherever she is) would feel better if you focused more on the good times rather than beat yourself up over something you can't change. *hugs*

eveelagenius said...

Andy this is awesome! Both your realization and the photography. I cannot wait to see the pictures. I struggle to remember that I can't control the world, only myself and how I view it, see it, and deal with it. Sometimes that means ignoring it. ;) But mostly it means not wishing it be anything other than what it is.